Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
