I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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