just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
