she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
