I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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