you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
