I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
3 2 1 whiskey
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
