If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
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