well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
