paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
