So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
But break dance skills will only take you so far
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
