$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
