k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
