We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
