We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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