shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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