I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize