I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
