You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
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