told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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