My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
