I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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