I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
