You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
where am i from again
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
