is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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