thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
