When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
