My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
