If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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