i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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