i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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