So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
