my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
