Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
