is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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