We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
