Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
