I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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