maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
