Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
