This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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