I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
