around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
