grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
