I wish I could punch you in the face.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
