I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
