i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
