My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'm both gender and math confused
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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