So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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