we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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