I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
