I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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