I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
