I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
