I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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