What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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