it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
