So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
