Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
