Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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