he shaved USA in his pubs
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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