I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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