she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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