i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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