I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
