I want to stick my p in your. b.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
