Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
