I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I'm always down for nudity.
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