I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
