So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
