Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
