winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
