wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
