Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
