Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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