Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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