do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I just want nice things and good sex
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
