i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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