I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
