if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
