Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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