you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Still dying that you shit outside
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
