her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
